Break-ups are rarely easy, and are something almost everyone experiences at some point in their life. However, if you end your relationship in a mature and thoughtful way, you can navigate this tough time with strength and resilience. This article will guide you through the decision-making process of ending a relationship, how to navigate the break-up conversation, and coping with the aftermath.
Even if you are the one deciding to end the relationship, it doesn’t necessarily make the break-up any easier. It’s normal to feel upset about the situation, and feeling sad about breaking up doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision.
Avoid Blaming
It’s easy to feel like the break-up is your fault or your partner’s, but this way of thinking isn’t helpful. Relationships are complex, and there are usually many reasons why they don’t work out.
Instead of blaming:
- Recognise that relationships end for many reasons
- Avoid unnecessary anger or resentment.
- Focus on learning from the experience rather than dwelling on faults.
Understanding your Feelings
Even after letting go of blame, you may still feel upset or uncertain. If you do not feel that there is any point in continuing your relationship, it is time to have the conversation with your partner and tell them you need to end the relationship. Breaking up does not mean that you failed, it just means that this particular relationship did not work. You can be happy whilst single, even if it doesn’t feel possible right now.
It is worth trying to figure out what key messages you want to communicate to your partner, and thinking about what you want to get out of the conversation. It is likely they will be upset, but it can be hard to know what type of reaction they may have. Ensure that you know what you need and want to say, and that you are ready to have to answer difficult and emotionally charged questions.
How to Have the Conversation
Firstly, have the conversation in person, as this is a sign that you respect your partner and the relationship you have had.
There could be many reasons for ending the relationship, but listing them all can be hurtful. Instead, focus on explaining your feelings and thought process in a way that avoids conveying an attacking or blaming tone. Your partner might respond with accusations or blame, but try not to let that derail you. Stay focused on what you need to express, listen to their feelings, and protect your own emotions by remaining as calm, cool, and collected as possible.
Here are some upsetting actions and phrases that sometimes can come up during difficult conversations, and better alternative phrases:
If your partner pushes back, gently reaffirm your decision. You are not obligated to convince them or justify yourself beyond what you are comfortable with.
If the conversation becomes aggressive or unsafe, you have every right to end it immediately and walk away. Your emotional and physical well-being comes first.
Dealing with the Aftermath
After a break-up, you might find yourself in one of the most challenging emotional states you've ever experienced. While this can be incredibly difficult, it isn't entirely negative. Break-ups can increase the risk of depression, but they also offer an opportunity to start a new and improved chapter of your life. Focus on the positives of this new beginning:
- You can focus on yourself, your own goals, and the things you enjoy
- You can work on building up your other relationships with friends and family, and maybe push yourself to meet new people
- You can reflect upon your own strengths and use them to overcome the challenges you have faced
- You can have more freedom and time towards passions, hobbies, or activities that will help you look after yourself.
- You can become more independent
Keeping these things in mind can help you remember that you do not have to be in a relationship to be happy. You may have a strong urge to reach out to your ex when you’re sad, or maybe even try to get some other romantic attention, but it is worth trying to find this gratification within, as a way to build your strength as an individual.
When relationships end, you might feel embarrassed or worried about what people think, which is not necessarily helpful. Instead, rely on the people that understand what you are going through, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from them to get through — you should value your own strength, but being supported by others does not mean you aren’t strong as an individual.
People who tell their support network about their feelings are more likely to deal with these feelings better. Let yourself grieve the relationship but set yourself up for positive thinking by challenging yourself to do the things you love most. This could be anything from reading a book, to hanging with friends, or even buckling down and acing your studies or work!
To heal, focus on yourself and your wellbeing, and time will do the rest.
