Being broken up with can feel like the end of the world, but there are ways to navigate the grieving process in a healthy and empowering way. While this period may feel overwhelming, it can also be an opportunity for emotional growth, self-discovery, and future resilience.
By taking steps to process your emotions, seek support, and rebuild your confidence, you may find that you emerge stronger, wiser, and better prepared for future challenges.
Face Your Emotions
Feeling certain about the reasons your relationship ended can actually help you adjust to being newly single. While it may not always be easy to find ‘comfort’ after a break-up — especially if your partner doesn't provide the level-headed or emotionally mature answers you might have needed — reflecting on your own feelings can help you find this sense of closure. This ability to reflect and learn from the experience won't happen overnight, but it will come as you allow yourself to process your emotions and take steps toward overcoming your distress.
This article will explain these three steps to help you handle your break up well:
- Managing your social media intake
- Using your social circle
- Using your power
One thing that can make it harder to get over a break up is exposing yourself to social media. Evidence shows that use of social media after a breakup can significantly contribute to experiences of distress. It is recommended that you try to reduce your time on social media apps after a break-up. It may also be worthwhile to unfollow or unfriend your ex (and maybe even their friends if you want) on your social media, as seeing their uploads may be upsetting.
It is also important to remember that everyone may seem like they're having a great time on Instagram and Facebook, especially your ex, but people rarely post the negative sides of their life online. So, you are only exposing yourself to a glimpse of a potentially fake aspect of someone’s world. There is no need to compare yourself to your ex or anyone else, online or offline. Let yourself heal at your own pace, and don’t allow another person’s success to feel like your failure.
Using your Social Circle
Life after a break-up tends to feel lonely.
You may feel like you need to be alone, and there is nothing wrong with spending quality time with yourself. However, pushing yourself to be social will work against the sadness, which can worsen from being alone too much. Tell your friends and family that you need them, and schedule things with them so you have something to look forward to. You may not feel like it on the day, but push yourself. Make the activity as easy as it needs to be. If you just want to have a friend come over and cook dinner with you, do it. If you want to be surrounded by as many people as possible once in a busy task, book it in!
Set yourself up for social success with the people you can count on the most. And if anyone brings down your mood, don't hesitate to kindly remind them that you are in need of positive energy during these times.
Using Your Strengths
Research shows that young people with higher levels of self-esteem, optimism, and grit experience less symptoms of depression and rumination after a break-up. You may experience these types of difficult symptoms in a range of different ways, and experiencing them does not mean you are weak. Rather, the ability to identify and work against these symptoms is a great way to build your self-esteem and attitudes, and in turn be better prepared for future challenges.
Try reflecting on the things that have changed within yourself since you were broken up with. There will likely be some negative things (e.g. sadness, irritability, not feeling motivated to do the things you usually do/enjoy, etc.), but there will also be some positives you can find to help you through those tough things.
You may find that you now have:
- More time to understand your own feelings
- More time to focus on the things you enjoy, such as reading, a craft, or maybe even just a video game you love
- More time to focus on your health, like cooking your favourite meals, sports and exercise
- More time to learn something you’ve always wished you knew how to do (e.g. sewing, cooking, that book you never picked up, and so on)
- More clarity on what you want in your next relationship, including your non-negotiables, to avoid repeating past mistakes.
- More opportunities to focus on self-care and your personal growth — whether it’s through strengthening relationships with friends and family, exploring and engaging in therapy, or pursuing other forms of self-help.
Ultimately, the storm you are experiencing within yourself will only be short-term, and you can get over them even quicker if you use the things you’re good at to help yourself. You may even develop a new skill. In fact, developing a new skill can be a great way to restore your faith in yourself as an individual and remind yourself of your ability to adapt and overcome. So, when you’re ready, try something new — your future self will thank you for it.
Right now things might be gloomy, but this too shall end. It’s okay to be down, but pick yourself up and use the tools from this article to get back on your feet, because you are just as (if not more) powerful as a single person. Trust that with time, intentional efforts and self-compassion, you will emerge stronger and more equipped to embrace your future ahead!
