Being in a romantic relationship with someone who has mental health challenges can make the relationship more complex. However, someone struggling with their mental health can still have a happy and healthy romantic relationship.
The connection between mental health and relationship quality is two-way – your relationship can affect your mental health, and your mental health can impact your relationship. Whether you or your partner are dealing with mental health challenges, or if you have a mental health condition and want to enter a relationship, this article will help you understand how to manage mental health in a romantic relationship.
1. Recognise and understand the mental health challenges
Relationships often have a bigger impact on mental health than mental health has on relationships. This doesn’t mean that mental health doesn't affect relationships – rather, it simply highlights how important it is to understand how relationships influence well-being.
Understanding your own mental health, as well as your partner’s, can strengthen both your personal well-being and the relationship itself. If you are unsure about your mental health, read our articles about depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges to gain a better understanding. It is also recommended that you seek professional advice from a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional if you are experiencing persistent symptoms of a mental health concern.
Mental health challenges can lead to social impairment in romantic relationships, so addressing them is best. A healthy romantic relationship can improve one’s mental health, but being in a romantic relationship does not guarantee improved mental health. Your mental health – like physical health – fluctuates and requires ongoing attention.
2. Be open with your partner
Opening up about mental health struggles can be difficult. You might worry about being judged, or struggle to explain your feelings. However, it’s important that your romantic partner is aware of your mental health challenges.
Mental health and relationships are closely linked – ignoring this connection can prevent people from fully addressing their well-being, which can impact other areas of life.
You don’t have to share deep personal details about your mental health immediately, but if you’re in a serious and committed relationship, it’s best to be open. Since mental health can change over time, letting your partner know about your struggles early on can help them better support you if challenges arise in the future.
If you are planning on telling your partner about your mental health issue, be prepared for the following common responses:
- Your partner may not consider it an issue. They may easily understand that part of being in a relationship is supporting each other through difficulties.
- Your partner may be concerned about your health and how it will impact them and the relationship. This may lead to them ending the relationship, which is why it is best disclosing this information early in the relationship.
- Your partner may not fully understand what your mental health condition(s) or challenges means, leading them to ask questions about causes, symptoms, and your general mental wellbeing. This curiosity can allow your partner to become more understanding of your mental health, and can even make your relationship grow stronger.
Regardless of a partner's response to a discussion about personal mental health, it is important to remember that being a person with a mental health condition or who struggles with their mental health does not reduce your worth. If your partner doesn’t believe you, acts like mental health struggles aren’t real and valid, or doesn’t support you, then you deserve a better partner.
3. Seek committed romantic relationship
Studies show that long-term, committed relationships have a positive effect on mental health. Someone facing mental health challenges is more likely to experience better well-being in a supportive, committed relationship.
However, this does not mean that someone with mental health challenges must stay in a relationship or avoid casual dating. Everyone has the right to pursue relationships that work for them.
A person with mental health struggles may benefit most from a relationship that is:
- Committed: all people in the relationship genuinely value and contribute to each other in the relationship
- Established: all people in the relationship have taken actions to solidify the relationship.
Commitment can mean different things to different people. For some, this might mean marriage, while for others, it could mean clear emotional investment. The key is honesty and consistency – your partner’s words and actions should align.
Inauthentic relationships – where thoughts, actions, and emotions don’t align – can contribute to depression and suicidal thoughts. If your partner says one thing but acts differently, or refuses to make an effort to support your mental health, the relationship may be more harmful than beneficial.
4. Understand the triggers
Previous studies have found a link between being in unhappy relationships and higher cortisol levels, which is the body's primary stress hormone. This highlights how unhealthy relationships can cause significant stress, making it harder to manage your mental health. When dealing with a mental illness, it can be difficult to determine whether a relationship is struggling due to your mental health, or because of unhealthy or abusive behaviors within the relationship.
Reaching out to a mental health professional can help you identify the behaviors that might upset you and why. Having a mental illness does not mean you should tolerate upsetting or triggering behaviors. It is important to set boundaries and prioritize your wellbeing while engaging in relationships that support your health and personal growth. Our articles on healthy and toxic relationships can guide you in setting appropriate standards and boundaries for both yourself and your partner, for a better mental well-being.
