During adolescence, people tend to undergo a period of exploration where they begin to determine what they want romantically in their life. Research has shown that romantic relationships during this life period tend to involve a lot of “churning”, physical violence, and verbal abuse.
Churning refers to a lack of stability in a romantic relationship, typically involving patterns of breaking up and reconciling. This churning is expected in relationships in young adults; however, couples who undergo churning patterns are significantly more likely to experience physical and verbal abuse compared to stable couples.
Stable couples generally refer to couples who have healthy conflict resolution skills. They may also include relationships that have ended permanently rather than on-again, off-again cycles. Unhealthy conflict patterns can increase the risk of being in a toxic or abusive relationship. This is why it is important to be aware of unhealthy behavioural and emotional patterns of your intimate partner and other romantic relationships around you.
Identifying Unhealthy Intimate Partner Behaviours
Being able to identify unhealthy partner behaviours, as well as having a strong understanding of personal rights and boundaries is important for empowering people, especially women, to avoid unhealthy relationships. Some key warning signs of intimate partner abuse include:
- Subtle psychological abuse – persistent criticism and belittling
- Jealous or possessive behaviours – excessive control or overprotectiveness
- Threats of aggression – using intimidation or manipulation to control the relationship
- Verbal aggression – insults, yelling, or using words to cause emotional harm.
Many signs of abusive relationships are psychological rather than physical, which can make them easy to dismiss. However, psychological abuse can be just as damaging, if not more so, than physical abuse, and should be taken just as seriously.
Avoiding Unhealthy Intimate Partner Behaviours
The best way to avoid unhealthy relationships is to watch for early warning signs and act before things escalate. While not every red flag will necessarily lead to an abusive relationship, it’s important to address concerns early.
One of the safest and most practical steps is to inform trusted people outside of the relationship so others are aware of what’s happening. Some support networks to reach out to include:
- Health care professionals or organisations – general practitioners, nurses, community health centres, hospitals, counsellors, etc.
- Community services – family services, social and legal aid services, housing services, etc.
- Local community groups – sport clubs, community hubs, faith–based organisations, advocacy and social justice groups, etc.
- Educational institution and workplace
If you feel that your partner is exhibiting unhealthy behaviour, it may be difficult to acknowledge the risks or take action. Feelings of confusion, fear, or self-doubt are normal.
Confronting an Unhealthy Partner
Addressing your partner’s problematic behaviour might encourage change, but this should only be done if you feel safe. If confrontation puts you at risk – physically, emotionally, or otherwise – it’s best to avoid engaging directly.
If your partner has promised to change, consider whether their words are genuine or a way to maintain control. People who are truly committed to change will take proactive steps to address their behaviour, but do keep in mind that there is no guarantee they will improve.
You deserve safety and happiness without compromise.
Some signs that the relationship is unlikely to move in a positive direction include:
- Your partner minimises the severity of their unhealthy behaviours
- Your partner blames you or others for their behaviours
- Your partner forces you to stay because they claim they can't change without your support
- Your partner demands sympathy from you while coercing you into making decisions for the relationship
- Your partner expects you to do things in exchange for him not being abusive.
Ending an Unhealthy Relationship Safely
If you’re considering leaving a toxic relationship, it’s essential to have a strong support system before making your final decision.
- Tell trusted friends or family about your situation so they can support you.
- If any of your friends or family do not believe you or say that you are overreacting, keep in mind that they have not experienced what you have. Trust your instincts and your judgement.
- Prioritise your safety – if leaving might put you at risk, seek professional guidance on safe exit strategies.
Take time to reflect on your relationship and self-worth. Toxic relationships are not worth your time, energy, or well-being.
