After recognizing the signs of bullying, the next step is understanding what actions you can take. It’s important to explore why the bullying is happening, how to respond effectively, and how to seek support. This approach can help you feel empowered and take control of the situation to work towards a resolution.
Why am I being targeted?
Understanding why you are being bullied can help you figure out how to respond and, in some cases, communicate with the bully. It can also reveal whether the situation is more serious and requires stronger action.
Possible reasons as to why the bullying is targeting you:
- The bully craves for a sense of power
- To discriminate against you – if this occurs, the bullying can actually be a form of harassment and lead to legal matters
- To cause harm – if this gets to a severe degree, then this may be a bigger issue
How to respond to a bully
If the bully often approaches you directly, preparing a script or response (online or offline) beforehand can be really helpful and empowering. It also creates a mutual interaction with them, instead of them having control of the situation.
Here are some ways to prepare an effective response for dealing with bullying interactions:
Use sarcasm
A sarcastic line, such as ‘Oh, that’s an interesting take on me’, can intimidate a bully. Bullies’ main goal is to prey on their victim, so when you appear dominant, this removes the essence of what they are trying to achieve.
Question ‘why?’
Questioning the bully, such as asking "Why are you doing this to me?" can be an effective strategy. It forces them to confront the illogical or harmful nature of their actions, which can leave them feeling uncomfortable. This approach can also highlight the lack of justification for their behavior, potentially causing them to reconsider their actions or back down. However, it's important to remain calm and assertive, as the bully may attempt to deflect or escalate the situation.
Speak empathetically
Although this may be difficult because the bully is not mutually expressing empathy towards you, understand that your compassion may reach the bully. They may actually react vulnerably. Being tough is significant to a bully’s character, therefore this can unravel an underlying reason behind their bullying.
If the bully reacts immaturely towards empathy, be condescending (express sympathy for their immaturity)
If the bully laughs or humiliates you further despite your empathy, responding with calm condescension can be a way to disarm them. For example, saying something like, "Aw, is this really how you want to spend your lunch? I feel so sorry for you, I really do," can subtly shift the power dynamic. By adopting a tone of genuine concern, you subtly imply that their behavior is immature or misguided, making them appear childish or foolish. However, this response should be used cautiously, as it can escalate the situation if not done with careful control. It's also important to prioritize your own safety and well-being, seeking support if necessary.
Remind them what little they are trying to achieve
Bullies’ main purpose is to make you feel weak. So reminding them by saying ‘you’re really not getting what you want, you know’, shows that they chose the wrong person and the satisfaction will not be given to them.
No response at all
Remaining silent and putting up a ‘flat face’ can be a powerful way to show that you're unaffected and that the bully isn't getting the reaction they desire. This can make them feel powerless and may stop the bullying. However, in situations where the bullying becomes physical, this approach may not be safe. When physical aggression is involved, it's important to prioritize your safety by removing yourself from the situation, seeking help from authority figures, or defending yourself if necessary. In these cases, silence and a lack of expression may not deter the bully, and a more direct response may be needed.
Seeking help
Whether it's a teacher, school counselor, or principal, it's important to let someone in authority know what's happening. They can intervene and help resolve the situation.
How to respond to cyberbullying
Cyberbullying can be by email, text message, in chat rooms and on websites or social media. As more and more people sign up to social media, the reports of bullying are increasing. There are several ways of dealing with this particular form of bullying, as follows:
- Never reply to the messages but do not delete them.
- Complaint to the service provider. Most websites will remove things that violate their terms, including bullying. If you come across something on a website, you should be able to use their report link to submit a report.
- Stop the activity. In respect to text messages, you may wish to either block the telephone number of the person who is contacting your child or, if they are persistent, you may wish to purchase a new sim card for the mobile telephone. For websites or emails, the account can be closed down.
- If the bullying is happening on a social platform, consider blocking the bully and formally reporting their behaviour on the platform itself. Social media companies are obligated to keep their users safe. It can be helpful to collect evidence – text messages and screen shots of social media posts – to show what’s been going on.
- For bullying to stop, it needs to be identified and reporting it is key. It can also help to show the bully that their behaviour is unacceptable. If you are in immediate danger, then you should contact the police or emergency services in your country.
Build strength and resilience through your support network
- When you’re being bullied, having a group of trusted people to turn to for encouragement and support can help ease your stress, while boosting your self-esteem and resilience. Reach out to a parent, teacher, counsellor, any other trusted adult, as well as genuine friends who neither engage in nor tolerate bullying. Sharing your experiences with supportive people you trust can make a significant difference in how you feel and how you handle the situation, even if they can't help stop the bullying right away.
- No matter how much you’ve been bullied, it’s never OK to bully others in return. And remember — bullying is never your fault, regardless of what someone says or does. The problem lies with the bully, not you. Instead, the distress and negative emotions caused by bullying can be alleviated by healthy coping strategies and activities that bring you joy — such as sports, hobbies, mindfulness meditation, confiding in a mental health professional, spending time with your support network, etc.
- The downward spiral of negativity can be hard to escape when you're constantly facing bullying, but small positive changes can help you regain control and build resilience. The behavior of others is one of the many aspects in life that we have no control over. It is better to change your focus onto the strengths you possess and also the good things about your life, instead of focusing all the time on the words and actions of those bullies. By focusing on what you can control, you can lessen the impact and the emotional toll of bullying, while learning to better appreciate and take care of your own self.
While bullying can be a painfully challenging experience, it’s important to remember that you have the strength to take control of its impact. Never forget that you are not alone, and no matter how difficult it may seem, you have the power to rise above the bullying. It is important to keep in mind that, while there are people who treat others cruelly, there are also plenty of good people looking to selflessly help and protect others. As long as you are determined to treat yourself with self-compassion, build resilience, and rely on a strong support network, you can navigate through bullying and emerge stronger, while proving that the bully’s words and actions do not define you!
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