Bullying

What is Bullying? 

The Definition and Characteristics of Bullying

Bullying is an aggressive action that arises from power/authority imbalance that is either real or merely perceived. This imbalance can be physical, mental, or be based on the numbers of the perpetrators and victims. And aggressive act can be considered as bullying if:

• Done intentionally: the aggressive acts are done intentionally to hurt the victim(s)
• There exists a  power imbalance: the perpetrators feel stronger/more powerful than the victim so they bully to injure, threaten with more aggressive actions, and terrorize to control weaker people 
• The act is repeated: these aggressive acts don’t only happen once but repeatedly and in a long period of time

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Types of Bullying

Sherri Gordon categorizes bullying into 6 groups which are:

Physical Bullying: a type of bullying where the perpetrator targets their victim physically. The perpetrator is often stronger and acts more aggressively than their friends. Normally, physical bullying is more often done by males. This type of bullying is the easiest to identify because the actions are physical and the acts of violence tend to leave visible marks.
Examples: slapping, hitting, kicking, pushing, and other forms of physical violence.

Verbal Bullying: a type of bullying where the perpetrator uses words or calls names that hurt and humiliate the target. Normally, the perpetrator chooses their target based on their appearance or behavior so it is common that people with special needs become a target of verbal bullying. Verbal bullying is usually hard to identify because it often occurs when no adult is around.
Examples: insulting, mocking, throwing out curse words, and calling people names that hurt the victims’ feelings.

Relational Aggression: a type of bullying where the perpetrator tries to intimidate their targets or sabotage their social status. Relational aggression is normally done to boost the perpetrator’s social status. Normally, relational aggression tends to be done by females.
Examples: alienating the target from a group, spreading rumors, manipulating the situation, and ruining the target’s self-confidence.

Cyberbullying: a type of bullying where the perpetrator uses the internet, smartphone, and other means of technology to threaten, humiliate, or harass their target. The perpetrator normally uses words that they wouldn’t dare say directly. Technology makes them feel anonymous so cyberbullying tends to be particularly cruel.
Examples: sending threats online, terrorizing through social media, writing hurtful comments in posts, and posting things that might be shameful to the target.

Sexual Bullying: a type of bullying that consists of acts that target someone sexually. Sexting can lead to sexual bullying. For example, a woman sends a photo of herself to her partner. When they break up, her ex spreads that picture. In the end, that woman becomes a target of  sexual bullying. Some men may even take this as an open invitation to attack her sexually. In extreme cases, sexual bullying can lead to sexual assault.
Examples: calling sexual names, vulgar acts towards the target, unwanted touching, slut-shaming, sexual propositioning, giving mean comments towards someone’s appearance, body, sexual development, and sexual activities.

Prejudicial Bullying: a type of bullying based on assumptions towards certain ethnicities, races, religions, and sexual orientations. Prejudicial bullying can overlap with other types of bullying. Perpetrators of prejudicial bullying target people whom they think are different from them and avoid, intimidate, or even discriminate against them. 

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The Actors in Bullying

Bullying is more often done in a group than individually. There are 6 actors in bullying which are:

1. Bully/bullies: The preperator of bullying and usually plays a role as the leader of the group.
2. Follower(s): People who help bully and usually actively participate in bullying.
3. Supporter(s)/Reinforcer(s): a group of people who witness bullying, cheer for and provoke the bully, laugh at the victim, and even bring their friends to watch the bullying.
4. Bystander(s)/Outsider(s): people who know that bullying is happening but do not do anything and pretend not to know the incident.
5. Defender(s): people who help the victim of bullying itself. However, it is not uncommon for these people to become victims of bullying themselves.‍
6. Victim: people who are victims or targets of bullying. The victims are normally people the bully considers weak, so they become the target of bullying.

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The Effects of Bullying towards Mental Health

Effects towards the Victim

Every aggressive act definitely gives a negative impact towards its victims. Physically, physical bullying can cause bruises, internal bleeding, and even commas. Academically, bullying victims can have trouble concentrating whilst studying due to fear, anxiety, and being too preoccupied with thinking ways to avoid the bullying. This can lead to lower academic performances for the victim. Psychologically, bullying can become a stressor for teenagers. Teens rely on friends of similar age to give them support which was previously given by families. Because of this, having acceptance by friends of a similar age is very important. Rejection can lead to arising psychological problems such as:

• Poor social adjustment where the victim fears going to school and even not wanting to go to school if bullying happens in the school
• Feeling sad and anxious
• Anxiety disorder, difficulty connecting with other people, and loneliness
• Developing aggressive or submissive thinking patterns that remain until adulthood, which leads to low self-esteem, skepticism towards other people, and isolation from society
• Depression. A study conducted by Fekkes, Pijpers, & Verloove-Vanhorick (2004) shows that victims of bullying show signs of depression three times more severely and depression seven times more severely than teenagers who never experienced bullying.
• In the long term can cause trauma 
• Low psychological well-being where victims will feel uncomfortable, fearful, inferior, and worthless
• In extreme cases, victims wish to commit suicide rather than having to face pressures in the form of insults and have a high risk of commiting suicide.

The tight connections between the mental and physical health can cause bullying victims to also have physical disorders. Physical symptoms that rise with no medical reason but relate to the psychological wellbeing are known as psychosomatic symptoms. Psychosomatic symptoms usually appear in the form of headaches, muscle pain, stomachaches, digestive problems, chest aches, and sore throats.

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Effects towards the Bullies

Bullying does not only negatively impact the victims but also the perpetrators. Bullying perpetrators have a higher risk to:

• Have lower grades and a negative perception towards schools
• Easily get involved in fights and other disrupting acts that can cause trouble with other students and can even get expelled from school
• Have a tendency to steal or commit vandalisms
• Get involved in binge drinking and illegal drug usage
• More likely have and carry weapons in adulthood
• Violate traffic rules and are four times more likely to be commit crimes than people who are not bullies or were formally bullies
• Develop Antisocial Personality Disorder
• Get involved in sexual intercourses earlier than their friends of similar age
• Have a tendency to become an abusive partner or parent in families

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Effects towards the Bystander

Not only towards victims and perpetrators, those who are aware of and witness bullying, melihat, but fail to do anything can also be affected. The effects of bullying towards bystanders include:

• Being tempted to join the bullying
• Unwilling to go to school
• Feelings of fears and helplessness in taking a stand
• Feeling guilty for not doing anything to stop bullying
• Having increased mental problems which include depression and anxiety
• Having increased cigarette, alcohol, and drug usage

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Effects of Bullying towards Schools

If schools fail to take an assertive stance to stop bullying, the entire school will be affected. It can affect the learning process, staff gratification, and the confidence of the parents of the school which can lead to:

• The school becoming an environment of fear and disrespect
• Students having difficulties in studying
• Students feeling insecure
• Students disliking the school environment 
• Students feeling that school teachers and staff do not care about them

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What Should be Done If You Are A Bullying Victim? 

If you are a victim of bullying, first you need to know these two things:

You are not alone: everyone has been bullied. However, most keep it to themselves due to shame and fear. They think by ignoring the bullying problem, bullying will die out on its own (but that’s not the case).

It’s not your fault: you didn’t ask to be bullied. It is other people that decide to bully you. It’s not your fault if you’re bullied. Don’t blame yourself. 

After realizing these two things, the following are the DON’Ts and DOs in facing bullies.

DON’Ts

Bully or Seek Revenge for the Bullying Perpetrators

There’s nothing good with responding to wickedness with wickedness. IIt will only show that you are no better than the bullies. Other than that, bullying can give a negative impact to everyone involved.

Ignoring

If you are ever suffering from bullying, don’t ever ignore it. Make yourself feel better. Tell it to other people.

Skip School

Don’t ever skip school even once because you’re scared of being bullied. Bullies will instead be happy since that would mean they have successfully scared you. They feel stronger and will be more incessant in bullying you.

Be too Scared to Tell

Don’t be scared to tell people what you’re dealing with. If bullying has really disrupted you, then tell it to people. You can then share your burdens towards other people so that your suffering lessens. Everything will become easier if faced together. That’s what families and friends are for. They are there when you are at your best and will never leave you at your worst.

Self-harm

Don’t ever self-harm and let alone commit suicide. It won’t solve your problems. Doing things like self-harming will not only hurt yourselves but also those who love you. Don’t think that if you harm yourself bullying will disappear. They would like it as they’d think they’re stronger than you. Remember that you want to make your family, friends, and those who love you happy, not the bullies.

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DOs

Ignore the Bullies

Bullies want you to react to their actions. They disturb you to make you feel weak, sad, and afraid. If you show them that you are calm, you are okay, and you are not scared of them, they wouldn’t get what they want so they will eventually stop disturbing you. This also works for cyberbullying. Just leave them be, they don’t deserve your attention. Your family and  friends deserve your attention more.

Save the Evidence

In cyberbullying, sometimes ignoring the problem will make things worse. If cyberbullying doesn’t stop, save the evidence and tell it to your parents. You can also report it to the authorities.

Avoid the Bullies

If the bullies approach and disturb you, you can respond by saying:

• Feel better now?
• If you talk about me behind my back, obviously my life is more interesting than yours
• Enough! Stop this!
• Whatever
• This again. This is boring. Tell me when you’re done
• I don’t know why you’re saying these things about me, but I don’t care
• Sorry, but it seems that you think I care

After responding, avoid them. Keep on walking and don’t look back, whatever happens. Imagine that you are walking away from a stranger. They will see that you are not disturbed by their presence so they will stop pestering you.

If you are scared of bullies, avoid places where they usually are. If they don’t see you, they can’t hold you off.

Stay Positive

Try to remember the good things about yourself. Remember your good traits, the good you have done, the things you like, and the good moments you’ve had. Remember the people you love and know that they love you too and not the bad things that have happened to you. Do the things you love with the people you love. It will really help you stay positive. Remember that you are valuable and nobody deserves to make you feel helpless.

Build Your Confidence

Bullies tend to target those they think are weaker than them. Build your self-confidence and show that you are a strong individual and that you aren’t scared of them.

Find More Friends

Bullies tend to bother one individual, not a group. Socialize and expand your friendship circle. Bullies will not bother you if you are with your friends.

Tell It to People

If bullies still bother you, try to tell it to your friends, parents, or teacher. By telling them what you’re dealing with, you can get help and support. Other than your closest contacts, you can also share your troubles with a counselor or psychologist. Clearly state what happened, who initiated it, when the bullying happened, where the bullying happened, how long it has happened, and what you are feeling. Also ask what they can do to help you stop the bullying.

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What Can You Do If You See Someone Being Bullied?

Don’t Spread Rumors

If there’s someone who’s spreading rumors or gossip to you that may not be true, don’t help spread it. If you help spread rumors that may not be true, you are part of the problem. You definitely wouldn’t want to have people spread false rumors about yourself, either.

Don’t Watch and Join the Bullying

Bullies like it if a lot of people watch them and especially support them. Don’t just stand there and look at what’s going on. Don’t just stay silent when bullying is happening, there are people who need your help. Act fast. Quickly find help or speak up.

Offer Your Help

It is important not to completely protect someone who is bullied. Make sure they can find some strength within themselves and you are there to support them. One good way to do this is to ask how they are feeling, if they are okay, how you can help them, or what their next step will be. Simply showing that you care can make a difference.

Befriend People Who are Bullied

When someone is down they need a friend. Befriend them, be there for them. Spend time with them, make sure they know they aren’t alone. Listen to them telling about their troubles - no need to lecture or judge them. Show that you care. Being an understanding and supporting friend means a lot to them.

Stand Up for The Person Being Bullied

If you feel safe and have gathered enough courage, you can stop that bullying by speaking up directly. Tell the bullies that what they are doing is wrong, it’s not cool, and they have to stop it. Keep it simple, speak calmly, and don’t be aggressive. Don’t bully them back. Aggressive actions can worsen the situation. Maybe other people who were too scared to do something will participate in stopping the bullying. 

Tell an Adult

If you are scared that you’d become a bullying target because you were brave enough to speak up, you can discuss the bullying issue to an adult. You can report it to your homeroom teacher, school counselor, principal, or an adult you trust. Clearly explain who is being bullied, who the bully is, and where and when the bullying occured.

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Further Help in Indonesia

You can also report bullying and other forms of child abuse by contacting:

Telepon Pelayanan Sosial Anak (TePSA) (EN: Child Social Services Phone Line)
Hotline for reports: 1500-771
Email address: tepsa.indonesia@gmail.com
Phone: 081238888002
Facebook: tepsa kemensos
Twitter: @TePSAKEMENSOS

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Komisi Perlindungan Anak Indonesia (KPAI) (EN: Indonesian Child Protection Commission)
Address: Jl. Teuku Umar No. 10 Gondangdia, Menteng, Jakarta Pusat, DKI Jakarta, Indonesia
Hotline for reports: 021—31901556
Fax  021—3900833
Website: www.kpai.go.id
Instagram: kpai_official
Twitter: @KPAI_official

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Komisi Nasional Hak Asasi Manusia Republik Indonesia (Komnas HAM) (EN: Indonesian National Commission of Human Rights)
Address: Jl. Latuharhary No. 4B Menteng, Jakarta Pusat
Fax: 021-3925227
Email for reports: pengaduan@komnasham.go.id
Consultation number for reports: 0812-2679-8880
Cyberbullying cases can also be reported to the police, at the very least the local police or contact Cyber Crime Polri
‍Facebook: Cyber Crime Polri
Email address: cybercrime@polri.go.id

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