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You may be wondering, “What if I know someone who is struggling with anxiety?” and more importantly, “How can I help them?”.
Being curious and wanting to understand someone else’s experience with anxiety is already a great first step. Unlike physical illnesses, anxiety doesn’t always show visible symptoms, making it easy to overlook or misunderstand. That’s why it’s important to approach others with sensitivity and compassion, even if their experiences don’t always make sense to you.
Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind about what you can do or say, and just as importantly, what to avoid when supporting someone who is experiencing anxiety.
What To Do / Say
What Not To Do / Say
Provide validation for how they’re feeling.
What makes them anxious may be considered of little concern to you, but it’s important for you to acknowledge that what they are experiencing is real and challenging.
Provide validation by:
Saying things like “What you’re experiencing is so challenging and real;” “I admire your strength in facing what you're going through” and “I can see how much this is affecting you, and it is completely valid.”
Asking them how you can provide support during challenging moments
Enable avoidance behaviours that fuel their anxiety in the long-term.
This could happen if you go out of your way to eliminate the source of anxiety for the individual. While you may want to reduce their anxiety immediately, what this does is allows them to continually avoid confronting anxiety-provoking situations. This actually allows the anxiety to grow over time, as the individual doesn’t take on opportunities to overcome their fears and learn about their ability to independently cope with similar situations.
Express your concern for them.
This shows them that you care, which can help them to open up and reach out for support.
You could do this by saying something like, “Hey, I noticed that you’ve been avoiding going to [insert location/s]. Could you share with me what caused the change?”.
Depending on how the conversation goes, you could ask if they think they need some help or support in coping with their anxiety, which is where you could also assist them in seeking professional help if they would like to.
Also consider the following when you’re planning to raise the subject with them:
When is the person most likely attentive?
Where is he or she the most comfortable and at ease?
Where is there a place you both feel safe and will not be interrupted?
What is their emotional state at that time? It’s important to approach this when they’re not feeling overwhelmed or too stressed, so they can be more receptive to the conversation and your offer of support.
Force them to confront their fears.
Forcefully pushing someone who is not ready to confront their fears can lead them to withdraw and it can also damage your relationship with them.
The best way for your friend or family member to learn how to confront their deep fears is by working gradually and collaboratively with a mental health professional.
Practice Active Listening
Never underestimate the power of being fully present when listening to someone expressing their worries. By giving them your full attention when they are trying to express their concerns or feelings, you show them that their experiences are valid. Also, by carefully listening to what they say and how they say it, you can pick up on things you may have not known about their situation, which can help you to more effectively help them.
Make them feel guilty for feeling anxious.
Some may think that by guilt-tripping the individual dealing with anxiety, they could encourage them to “get out of their shell”.
This is entirely inaccurate.
Someone with anxiety is likely already feeling pretty low about themself, so this will likely further worsen their self-regard and fuel their negative self-talk.
Let them know that your regard for them remains unchanged.
It’s important to not blame or judge others when they’re feeling anxious. For those with anxiety, things can feel very uncertain and by simply letting them know that your care and love for them remains unconditional in spite of the changes in their anxiety level, this can be hugely helpful in comforting them and helping them have a sense of stability in their life.
You could say something like, “However anxious you feel, this won’t ever affect how much I care about you”.
“Calm down” / “Stop worrying”
If we could simply stop our feelings of anxiety whenever we wished to, we would absolutely do it. Unfortunately, this isn’t how it works.
For someone with anxiety, anxious feelings can be involuntarily triggered and to have someone to tell them to “calm down” or “stop worrying” in such situations can feel patronising and annoying.
Encourage them to seek professional help
Encouraging someone with anxiety to seek professional help can be challenging and confronting. However, when approached with compassion and without judgement, bringing up the idea of professional support can be a powerful step toward long-term improvement in their mental well being.
Here are some practical tips to guide you through the conversation:
Gently express your concern Start by showing genuine care and support.
Reassure them they’re not alone. After they express their concerns about anxiety, you could say something like, “I’ll always be here to support you. Help from someone with professional experience with this is always an available option too.”
Destigmatize the idea of therapy Tell them that an appointment with a mental health professional doesn’t mean that they have to commit for the long-term or with the particular therapist. You could say something like, “The appointment will be like an initial check-in, like an annual physical health exam but for your mental health.”
Help them access resources If they express an interest in reaching out for professional help, help them find some resources on where to access this help. The professional help can not only come in the form of in-person appointments, but also online consultations. Visit Seribu Tujuan Find Help to know more.
Offer practical support Offer to accompany them to their first session with the mental health professional, or help with the process of completing their registration. Sometimes, taking that first step towards seeking help can feel overwhelming. Letting them know you’re willing to support them, whether it’s by making that first call together or going with them to the appointment/consultation, can provide additional reassurance and comfort.
